There are many kinds of trauma; acute trauma resulting from one single event, chronic trauma which occurs repeatedly and over a period of time, such as an abusive relationship, neglectful parents, or complex trauma, when multiple events occur over a lifetime. 

You do not need a diagnosis of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) to acknowledge that you've experienced trauma in your life. Reactions to trauma may encompass everything from exhaustion, difficulties concentrating, confusion, sadness, anxiety, hypervigilance, agitation, restlessness, feeling numb, confused, tense, and/or brain fog. Trauma can encompass emotional trauma, where you have lived through events or periods of your life where you felt deeply unsafe and often feel hopeless or helpless to protect yourself. This can be the result of surviving experiences of chronic abuse, bullying, discrimination, racialized social stress, microaggressions, or being humiliated or gas-lit.

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Complex trauma occurs when there is exposure to multiple traumatic events - often involving experiences that are invasive, interpersonal, and inescapable in nature. These could be events that are severe and pervasive, occurring over a period of time such as abuse, neglect or poverty. If these events occur early in life, this causes a disruption at a crucial time in a child's development, formation of identity, and sense of self. If these events occur at the hands of a caregiver, this will significantly hinder the ability of a child to form a secure attachments to others which will have a profound life-long impact to an individual's ability to engage in healthy relationships. 

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90% of the population has experienced some form of trauma and self-awareness grows when you acknowledge the impact past experiences have had on you, and address the ongoing decisions, sometimes subconscious ones, that continue to perpetuate the trauma in your life. If you experience that reminders of past traumatic experiences have a strong hold on you now, causing emotional distress and activation, you may have had your recovery impeded or not had the safety to allow full emotional processing of the event and may benefit from support to guide you through "finishing the unfinished business". 

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Healing and recovery, or post-traumatic growth is possible after experiences of trauma which can lead you to develop a greater appreciation of life, a deeper understanding of yourself, others, and the world, and more meaningful connections with others. 

I believe that how we show up in relationships is determined from our early attachment experiences with our first caregiver(s). If we grow up with emotionally responsive and attuned caregivers and were supported to develop as independent and autonomous beings, not an extension of our caregivers, we will develop an understanding about others that they can be trusted, and that we can convey our needs and anticipate that they will be met by others. If we grew up in households where our caregiver(s) were unavailable, not emotionally responsive, struggling with their own issues, including but not limited to addiction, trauma, and/or mental health challenges, you may grow up struggling to self-differentiate, over-functioning in someone else's life while under-functioning in your own. 

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Our attachment style, learned from our early attachment experiences often dictates our behaviour in relationships. Consider taking an Experiences in Close Relationships (ECR) survey to assess your attachment style. It will explore your ability to balance dependency with your ability to be emotionally intimate with others, as well as managing your experience of seeking external validation from others, and distress when you are alone.

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High scores on this assessment may indicate a vulnerability to depression, anxiety, interpersonal distress, and/or loneliness. 

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Attachment styles are not permanent over a lifetime but change comes from building self-awareness, gaining a tolerance to sit with difficult emotions, and acknowledging the impact of witnessing unhealthy patterns of behaviour that we observed in relationships growing up.